Addicted

You can get addicted to a certain way of thinking, a certain kind of emotion. One becomes restless, agitated, hopeless, and somewhat desperate. Production level drops and things become more complicated.

 

 I say this with Loneliness in mind.

 

I've talked to many friends who believe that the right true love is not out there. They are destined to be alone for the rest of their life, or end up with the wrong person. I will admit that I often think about this and it really sucks. Let's be honest, loneliness is a dark surmounting fear. In the span of a year I have been invited to at least nine weddings, all being for good Christian people. It's beautiful, awesome, encouraging, and a little daunting. I myself don't know many good Christian guys; and I don't think I would accept anything less then a God fearing, Jesus loving dude. My standards are high.

 

So like my friends, I am reminded of the clock ticking and the years passing. Watching a cheesy chick flick that always ends in "perfect" romance, pulls at our hearts. Then one of us takes the plunge down the aisle and the we put a finger down. We tend to glance at guys left hands as we drive ourselves crazy. We secretly are heart broken when Prince William gets married and then remind ourselves that there is still Tim Tebow. Really, it's a sick mind game and we become jaded princesses.

 

Has society set us up for this? Are we trained as young girls that a wedding is the biggest event of our lives and fairytales do come true? Women who are alone grow old and live in a house full of cats....still alone?

 

Whatever the case, it's annoying. Patience is hard. 

 

So we continue to live our lives pretending that we aren't bothered. Trying to focus on other things and forgetting about it until another wedding invitation comes in the mail. Still, we do our best to remember that God has promised us all the riches in the world according to what has been given to us in Christ Jesus (Phil. 4:19). We remind ourselves to focus on Jesus and not the lies of society.

 

Loneliness is what we make it, it's our own addiction.

 

 Clinging to the Truth of a God that will never leave us alone is the only treatment.

 

That's Going to Burn

I like my beverages either hot or cold; not in between. Lukewarm just doesn't do it for me and if I had to choose, I would probably choose Hot. It seems picky for sure, but can't a girl know what she wants?

 I want to carry this pickiness over to my walk with God. I'm not in to being a lukewarm person, let alone a lukewarm Christian.

 

Why can't I be hot all the time?
 
 Bringing the word consistently; breaking chains; helping the orphans and widows daily; and living a life of servitude. See what He sees, hear what He hears, go where He goes. Sometimes I feel like I am running and running, to the point where at the end of the day I am physically shaking. The days are filled and I accomplish so much; but in the end there is still an unfulfilled ache. What are my accomplishments for if they aren't glorifying God?

I really enjoy my job and the people I work with, but I still know that there is a different work for me. I think everyone with Faith knows that, but we get too comfortable in lukewarm living. We have to get uncomfortable. The fact of the matter is, God wants to use us to better this world. We are equipped to break the bondage of those bound and to bring life to the lifeless. The news isn't getting any bette,r and the headlines each day are depressing. It's time for more movement.

This is a movement the Church needs to start and by church, I don't mean a building. A building is temporary; easily destroyed and forgotten. I mean a body of Christ that is called to bring hope outside of the four walls. The movement starts with us, because we are the Church. It's time to quit pointing fingers and living in the past wrongs. Stop soaking in the lukewarm water that eventually turns cold as ice. Sitting in ice for too long can't end well.

What if we could all bring fire to the nations, to our neighborhoods, to our homes? A fire spreads and impacts everything in its path, something needed in a time like this.  It refines and consumes things. We can refine things in the name of Jesus, in the name of Love and Hope. Your fire may start out small, but with the right fuel it will intensify. Live it. Choose a side.... hot or cold.

What fire do you want to spread? Do you feel an empty ache at the end of your day?

PS. I am still heading to Thailand February 11^th. I bought a one way ticket on the Faith that I will receive more money to buy one home. Please pray about helping me out. You can hit the Support Me link or contact me directly to donate. Thank you.

To Thailand

Freedom

   She stands in the window, vacantly staring out. She is not sure if the water she sees is the rain outside or her own tears. It would be a surprise if it were her tears, as she has numbed all emotions and accepted her fate. To not feel is survival. How many other girls like her stare out into a world they are forgotten in. Whether it's the bars of a cage in India; the slight light through a slit of a brothel wall in Cambodia; or through the windows of the prostitution displays in Amsterdam. They are entrapped and enslaved, now a commodity to a pimp. No longer do they have a name, they are just a number or a body to be used. The tears quickly stop.

My heart breaks for every story I hear and the people I see in these situations. It's a fate that someone else has chosen for them, but not the fate appointed to their lives. It has to stop. 

Freedom on so many levels is a huge passion for me and something I will battle for, for as long as God desires me to.

 

I don't fully know what that means yet, but I know He has equipped my heart to face it. As I continue to use the skills and passions he has given me; I get closer to the path that has been dictated as mine. I am always amazed at what happens when we obey His whisper and His calling in our lives. Knowing we have a part in his great story, pushes us to reach for him more and more. Helping others realize they too have a purpose and worth changes lives, connecting us all in a way we may never see.

I am visiting Thailand in February to minister to the Girls in Cambodia, that I help coach; and to conduct some research for another organization I write for (sodesolution.org). I am confident that God is calling me to go and I am asking for your help in getting me there. Please pray about supporting me and click on the support me link to make a donation. Feel free tocontact me with any other questions or more explanation as to what I am doing. 

So, why do we Fear?

They say history repeats itself.

I suppose that's true on a variety of levels.

So, here is my question: Why do we who have accepted Christ, still Fear.

History may repeat itself, but so does God.

He repeatedly shows up, provides, and remains Faithful.

So many times we want to take a leap of faith, but are too afraid.

Too often we hear that voice telling us to leap, whispering: "do it."    

We want to so bad, but aren't sure that it is the right choice,

then we go in circles until we eventually decide not to.

       "Next time, I'll take that leap of faith.... next time."

History repeats itself. 

                                                   

                                                                                                                                                               Life on earth is complicated and confusing. Time is our focus and we want to get the "right" things done in the "right" amount of time. We are so focused on our life responsibilities, that we push God's purpose for us deeper into a corner. It collects dust as we stay in the comfort of our choices. All the while there is a deep tugging within, telling us that we are not fulfilled. What happens we we leap? God has proven himself in our lives day in and day out; which is one of the big reasons we follow him. 

During this beautiful season, we are reminded of that Love and Faith. We are reminded of a God who put himself into a human form, so he could prove his Love for us. God hung on a wooden cross, ridiculed and pierced, a crown of thorns ripping his scalp (dripping like tears of blood). Gruesome for sure, but something that proves our purpose in this Life. Living for our God, giving him the glory. Why should we be afraid? 

God reassures us around 365 times in the bible to not Fear. It takes Love and Faith to believe, Trust to leap; a death to remind us of our Creator's Grace. Fear is the enemy, resist it.

Life is short.

Leap far, Trust always, and Love strong. 

"I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to the mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20

Why Do I Follow Jesus?

It's hard for me to remember the days when I didn't know Jesus (10 years ago); and it's hard to think that I could even make it through a day without him. What did I do during the turmoil? Who did I lean on and hope to help me? Myself. Others. The World.

All three failed me.   

A fellow coworker was offended by a card from another company that stated God Victorious in the New Year. He is pretty anti-Christian and doesn't think that Jesus is the only Way. He didn't want to talk about it in the moment, but I longed to just tell him why I believe. Why I follow Jesus.....and I think one of the biggest reasons is I have seen Him.

I saw him in the eyes of a widow who had lost her entire family to AIDs in Uganda.

I saw him in an Orphanage, that has seen much loss, where the children lift their arms in worship to God in the Philippines. 

I saw him in the passion and desires for justice, from a Christian Roma gypsy, in a Muslim family (Macedonia).

I saw him in Malaysia, as an oppressed Indian man held Churches late at night in secret places. 

I saw him in the hut of an old Kenyan couple, ailing and poor, but still with more Joy and Faith then I have ever experienced. 

I saw him in the eyes of former sex slaves, in Cambodia, who could finally smile with self-worth.  

I see him in the eyes of a homeless woman, here at home, who stands on the corner everyday just to get supplements and good food for her sick daughter. She praises God and believes in miracles, even as she lives in her car. 

I see him in my own life. Protecting me in times that should have been worse, giving me strength when I am weak, and being the shoulder I need when all around me is falling.

I've seen him in far off places and unknown faces; in the redemption and hope of those who the world would say are hopeless; I see him in every eye that believes. 

Things can always be worse, but even when they are: there is always a promise of Redemption. How many times do we reach for the branches on the end, that seem sturdy enough; instead of reaching closer to the trunk attached to the roots that reach down to the beginning of life? The end branches break away and we fall. 

I couldn't imagine following another God (I don't know any other that died for me), a man-made idol, or even just an idea. I have never found Truth or Substance in any other Way.

This time of year a simple thing like a card will remind me of why I believe. I always desire for God to be Victorious in my life and that is my prayer for next year. 

 

Darkness Lurked Around Me

 Darkness lurks in this world, it lurks in our streets. It surrounds us. It's almost  as if the dead tree branches are reaching out for us, the weeds growing up  around our legs; pulling us down. We stubbornly twist away from their grasp  and try to go on alone. The shadows loom up in the mist like towering goblins  ready to grab us. Sometimes we just sit to on the ground in defeat. With our  hands over our ears, we rock back in forth trying to shut it out. Sometimes the  fear is too much and we don't know how to make it through the darkness  anymore. It's easier to give up..

Living in the light isn't as easy as it sounds. Smiling at evil, praying for our enemies, and loving everyone like Jesus did. It's hard, it doesn't make sense. We want to rip through the evil with mighty swords, killing what isn't good, destroying the things pulling us down. We want to be heroes. In the end, it's about our pride, our shame, our fear.

Often we come to the conclusion: this worldly view won't work. That repaying evil for evil will not teach our children a better way of life. That destroying those who get in our way to success, won't make us feel better about ourselves. That cursing the

ones that hurt us, won't heal our wounds. As we walk through the darkness, we realize the only way to get safely to the other side is to trust our savior. Yes, we may still look over our shoulder and get chills of fear; but we know that we are comforted. 

Loving those who hurt us and praying for them, realizing they too come from brokenness and are dealing with it the only way they know how. 

Hope that we can forgive because we were first forgiven...

I was assaulted on my way to work this week. It was still dark out and a man came up behind me, grabbing me. I was violated but able to scare him off; after yelling at him and pushing him away. He turned away from me and walked off. A mixture of emotion rose up inside. As I watched his tall figure disappear into the shadows, I debated running after him- Anger. Then I didn't know what to do- confusion and shame. When the adrenaline wore off, I was shaking- fear. I prayed and walked on. It had happened so quickly that I didn't even begin to process it.  

God's angels were around me and I am blessed that it wasn't worse. It wasn't me who scared him off, it was God. I pray for him, for the brokenness inside. But I am still human, and I am super disturbed and shaken. 

 And yes, I am looking over my shoulder a lot more. 

 What he did was wrong, plain and simple. But it happens to girls all over  the world all day every day. Some are bought, some are not. It's evil at it's  strongest. I have a heart for victims of injustices, especially sex slaves;  and that was what was attacked. Evil knows our weaknesses and aims  for them. 

 God is bigger, the light is stronger.

Praise Him for the things that happen in our lives. He redeems them all. How do we change our reactions to the evil and allow  that goodness to flow?

Who are we called to be?

Stop Ignoring It

I am amazed at everything we have been doing here in Cambodia, the vision that is happening is amazing. It's also been another eye opening experience full of stories, better heard on an empty stomach. Full of truth. Part of me would like to sugar coat them, but I can't. There is a harsh reality out there that much of the world is sheltered from, or chooses to not hear. Take it however you can, but don't consider a problem too far away to help....

 

A country so new..... started over only 30 years ago, after a mass genocide by its own people

A fear still lives today, a fear that it could happen again..... they don't talk about it, you don't ask

 

A little girls virginity is sold for $40-$1000 (give or take) or just enough to feed the family with rice

age: Khmer- 12 to 14 years; other groups- much younger

often she will brutally raped and then sewn back together, so her virginity can be resold.... salt may be put in her wounds

They don't fight...... there is a STRONG sense of duty to ones family here

 

There is a village notorious for small child sex (I'm not going to broadcast the name, though most know of it)

 

In 2003 brothels began to be raided..... now they are much more underground.....

they look like any average business

To arrest a Cambodian man for sex, he must be caught in the action

90% of the perps are Khmer

Others are tourists from other parts of Asia and Western countries

 

Brothels are a loose term now....

girls are sold out of their homes and returned in the early morning hours

she could be sold by a family member, a friend, a stranger

it could start when she is 5 and last until she is a teenager.....

 or until her body gives out.... permenant damage

 

many people turn a blind eye, but some won't put up with it anymore

the elderly couple who stood in front of a pedophiles car, as they had watched the girl be sold night after night from her home.... he runs them down........ they survive, the girl now lives with them

 

I could go on...

the boys being raped

the drugs, the violence, the poverty

but you get the picture

 

This is the reality for so many people

not just in Cambodia

in Africa, Nepal, Europe, the States.....

 borders to borders......

 

This could happen to anyone...... it may look different.....but it's Real

 This is not to be taken a a sob story, as just images on paper

this is about real stories, real people....

What do we need to do??

discipleship, funds, prayer, hope, sustainability, restoration, etc. etc.

 

Villiage by Villiage; person by person; God is big enough to fight this

 

There are thousands of organizations out there who need help..... let me know if you don't know where to start.

Where do you fit into all of this? PRAY about it.

 

Cambodia Dreams

After midnight, it's pitch black. I am in a tuk tuk heading to the hotel, an anticipation welling up within.

The air smells of cooked potatoes and is humid.

 

As we near the city, the darkness is lit with the lights of nightlife. The reality begins to sink in; with that nightlife comes the nefarious sex industry. A good percentage of men I saw at the ariport have flown in just for that reason. It's heartbreaking. My mind explodes with sensory overload, as we continue our drive. Beyond that, Cambodia is a country of wonder and amazing things to offer.

  

We pass fancy looking hotels with big gold stautes of some animal guarding tbe front. They stand out against the make-shift shacks lining the streets. Dogs, with ribs protruding, scavenge on the streets. There eyes dart back and forth as they seek some sort of sustenance to fill their empty stomachs.

   

The streets are bustling at 4am with life. Carts pulling goods to sell for the day; the streets begin to be crowded with mototaxis, motor bikes, tuk tuks, cars, and bicycles. It's already hot. Sweat will not cease for the day.

 

Restaurants are not lacking and once you are seated, you will surely be bombarded with children trying to sell you something. Books, postcards, bracelets, etc. Often they have someone higher over them who profits most of the money. Their sweet eyes will watch people eat with a longing.... or maybe a reminder of the hunger within. This is the survival they know. Other kids dig through the trash bags on the street looking for plastics. They are a pro at feeling the outside of the bag and locating the goods.

 

Massage parlors, fish tanks to soak your feet in (they eat off the dead skin), fruit markets, men grilling random items on the side (snakes, fish, chicken, bugs, etc.), dress shops, tailors, stores carrying the same thing with every step, and much more. The streets are crammed with people of all ethnicity.

 

Angkor Wat, a temple built for a king 900 ago, beckons tourists from all over. The trees make you think you are in a Lord of the Rings movie.

 

The countryside shows a Cambodia that hasn't changed in many years. Rice fields under swampy rivers of water, where people are playing or bathing. Oxen; pole houses made of mud, tin, or wood; children running naked; greenery stretching farther then the eye can see..... a beautiful sight.

 

A country full of life, a people no different then you and me. Humanity all has the same roots..... roots in need or healing and redemption. Our lives just play at different paces and on different sets.